A Child Who Doesn't Listen

Question: There is a child in my group who often refuses to listen, and nothing I do seems to help. What do I do?

Myrna Shure: Not listening can refer to refusing to do what asked, that is, intentional ignoring your requests, or it can refer to not paying attention.  For refusing to do what asked, you can ask, “How do you think I feel when you don’t listen to me?”  “What can you do so I won’t feel that way?”  You can also ask, “Can you answer in a way so I’ll know you heard me?”  These are questions the child is not used to, and these positive ways will likely get a response.

Shifting to a positive approach can help.  Whether intentional ignoring or not paying attention, start with a game that I have found children as young as age four love to play.  Bring a small group of children together.  Say “We’re going to play a game called the What Do We Like game.”  Start with a child who listens well, and say, “I’m going to name 5 things that make me feel happy, and you have to listen carefully and remember them.  I like strawberries, jewelry, flowers, fruit, and when my children listen to me.  Now you tell me what five things I just said.”  Let the child repeat them (other children can help, if needed).  Now ask the child to name five things that makes him happy.  Children beam because now the teacher has to remember what they say.  Now bring the child who doesn’t listen to the front and repeat the game with that child, with you first naming 5 things and then the child.  Ask the group, “If I were not listening, could I remember what (_____) said?  If (_____) were not listening, could he remember what I said?” 

When this child is really not listening, you can remind him of the “What Do We Like game.”  One teacher, noticing a child was not listening simply said, “I like strawberries.”  Remembering that game and the fun they had playing it stopped him in his tracks, he smiled, and that was the end of that.  This approach may help this child listen too.

Comments

[Amanda Smith]

I agree with the advice. I myself often struggle with children who have trouble paying attention. Little changes I made since I’ve started teaching two years ago have really helped me. As Myrna suggested, ask a child to reflect on how his/her behavior is making you feel. In addition, I describe how I feel in a way that a child can understand: “It bothers me when you do not listen because then you will not get to hear the story.” Also, make sure you when you are speaking to the child you are at his/her height level and making eye contact. This is a basic tip, but I had to remind myself my first year to follow it. Has anyone else had success with getting children to listen? The more suggestions to try the better!

[Heather]

I work in a lovely montessori-based school. I have a 5 year old student, who is happy, carefree and totally not fazed by the world. But, he has no fear of his teachers, or his spiritual leader, or his parents, or the principal. Consequences don't faze him. Going to the principal doesn't faze him. Ignoring his behavior results in more annoying and flamboyent displays. Naming his behavior gets me a sweet smile and a look as he pours the crayons on the floor. Praising his positives and ignoring his negetives results in negetive behavior. Having him get special privledges (helping the teacher. setting up snack etc) results in him thinking he doesn't have to do anything that the other kids have to do. I am at the end of wits!! I am very educated in both education and child psychology and I can't for the life me figure it out! Do you have any suggestions? I was thinking of a happy, non-violent oppositional behavior disorder, but nothing like that exists! HELP!

[Heather]

I work in a lovely montessori-based school. I have a 5 year old student, who is happy, carefree and totally not fazed by the world. But, he has no fear of his teachers, or his spiritual leader, or his parents, or the principal. Consequences don't faze him. Going to the principal doesn't faze him. Ignoring his behavior results in more annoying and flamboyent displays. Naming his behavior gets me a sweet smile and a look as he pours the crayons on the floor. Praising his positives and ignoring his negetives results in negetive behavior. Having him get special privledges (helping the teacher. setting up snack etc) results in him thinking he doesn't have to do anything that the other kids have to do. I am at the end of wits!! I am very educated in both education and child psychology and I can't for the life me figure it out! Do you have any suggestions? I was thinking of a happy, non-violent oppositional behavior disorder, but nothing like that exists! HELP!